Asda Smartprice Meatballs in Tomato Sauce
Written by The Human Dustbin and posted in Food, Tins and Packets

What I thought of as my first food Nemesis had been quietly sitting in my cupboard, staring at me for over a week. Every time I went to get a can of beans it would be there and send a shiver down my spine. Yesterday around 6.30pm, with a mixture of hunger and misplaced courage that only an empty stomach can give you, I tentatively got out my can opener.

Asda Smartprice Meatballs in Tomato Sauce (I’m just grateful it wasn’t the gravy variety) were a request from Mr. Stone of Canterbury. He regaled the tales of how he used to go past these cans of Meatballs in his local Asda and say to his girlfriend how disgusting they must be. Well Mr Stone, you are about to find out.

Once I had decided to ‘step up to the mark’ as Jeremy Kyle would say, I took the top off the can as quickly as possible and was greeted by the stench of what I thought was slightly rancid chicken. The can is very coy about what these ‘Meatballs’ are made of but the list of ingredients and the Asda website is less so, they are made of Chicken, that’s right fowl, no beef or pork at all. I emptied the can into a microwave dish and nuked them for a minute and a half before stirring then giving them another minute, as per the manufacturers instructions.

Asda Smartprice Meatballs in Tomato Sauce, turds in soupAs you can see, there is a lack of a pre-cooked image in this review, but frankly you don’t need one. Just imagine the cooked dish to the left without the orange flecks of chicken fat and you have it. So it was time to try one of these little brown fish, sorry, I mean lovely chicken meatballs. I’ll be honest, first time, I bottled it and went for the Tomato Sauce instead like a complete girl. I was kind of expecting a vaguely Italian tomato sauce, but it tastes just what it looks like, cream of tomato soup, with a little more sugar added for good measure. Not what you would want to put on pasta.

Asda Smartprice Meatballs in Tomato Sauce, testicleIt was time for the meatballs. I took my first bite. As you can see from the picture, they have no texture at all. The chicken has been rendered to such a level that they are like a semi-hard gelatinous lump. Imagine a meaty marshmallow and you nearly there. It is quite obvious, that this is as soft as they could make them out of the chicken slurry without them falling apart. There is no discernable taste of chicken. You get the odd hint now and again, but I’m sure that is just your brain desperately searching for something, anything. My palate did find Mace and white pepper, which somehow cons your brain into thinking that you maybe eating a sausage.

After consuming this beast (yes, thorough testing requires this) I started to have a feeling of nausea. I was not going to vomit, but my poor guts were doing cartwheels. This could be down to the product itself but it could have been psychological, a mixture of guilt and my brain repeatedly asking ‘Can you imagine how these were made and you ate them?’. For legal reasons I have to point out that it was the latter (you don’t want to rile the mighty Walmart).

In conclusion, these meatballs are spectacularly awful. Not inedible, if you can detach yourself from what you are consuming. I just count myself lucky that Mr Stone did not pick the gravy variety, as they would probably have been my first food nemesis.

Appearance: 2/10
Taste: 2/10
Value: 3/10
Overall: 7/30

Retailer:
Asda Stores Ltd
Manufacturer:
Cost:
£0.39
1220
  • The Human Dustbin

    Tesco Value Meatballs in Tomato Sauce seem to be identical to this product.

  • alleyviper89

    lidl curry, £1.19

    http://www.visit4info.com/sitecontent/LG/fullZZZZZZTVC090728095227PDC.jpg

    eat a few of these over a week, and it’s migraine and diarrhoea time 🙁

  • Just gross. I’d rather starve! Great blog….
    Emma

    • asdasd

      “I’d rather starve”
      I don’t believe you! After days of starvation you will eat even worse things.

  • Jo

    What do you expect?

    Your photo of the actual food looks very like the photo on the can to me, so no big surprises there!

    No claims of gourmet luxury are made about this product, nobody would buy this thinking it would make a delicious healthy meal so what is your point?

    Sneering at food designed for those on a budget leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. Worse than the taste of budget meatballs.

    • Miss Gruesome

      I think you may need to get your eyes tested Jo, the product in the tin looks pretty different from the one portrayed on the can! I see no orange flecks of chicken fat displayed on the tin, do you?

      You really should read what this website is about before you leave such an ill informed comment, I can only deduce that you must have a strong affection for Asda to defend their little meaty balls in this fashion! No one is sneering at people on benefits here, just the big supermarkets who force less fortunate people on benefits into eating such unhealthy food, the fact you find this leaves a bad taste in your mouth probably means you are part of the big supermarket chain yourself, how transparent you are 🙂

  • The Human Dustbin

    Guess you didn’t read the about page, did you Jo?

    http://www.shitefood.co.uk/about/

    For the last three years, I was a mature student on a extremely tight budget and I never consumed any of the foods I’m now reviewing. My income level was comparable with Income Support. The point of this blog is to humiliate the producers of this shite. Do you work for Asda? 😉

  • john

    I just had some of the ‘in gravy’ variety. I wish I read this page beforehand.

  • Mark CULMER

    Bloody RIP OFF!!!

  • Danielle

    I have just eaten a can (in two sittings) of this shit. It was vile.

  • Kate

    My mum used to feed these to my sisters and I all the time when I was little. I’m not sure I’ve quite forgiven her yet! :p

  • tahrey

    Good god this looks horrendous – you really gave the Macaroni the same score as this? I’d have to be in a serious state to consider this – value noodles at 9p a pack that contain nothing that would normally be considered “food” look more palatable.

    (I actually trough my way through a few of those each year, as they make a good starchy staple to put homemade curry/chili/bolognese on whilst using the flavour pack to bolster cheaper ingredients in the sauce, and as a very cheap lunch or snack … so long as you also toss in a handful of frozen veg for flavour/interest/nutrition – just peas, sliced carrots, etc make a great difference and don’t take the cost over 15p including the electricity and water. Two bowls of that, vs one of this? Even if the price balance was on the other foot I’d consider going hungry for one meal and thoroughly appreciating the other)

  • Lester

    im a student so i’ll eat pretty much anything. and to be honest, i actually enjoy most of the cheap food ive seen on this website. but these meatballs are some of the worst things ive ever had. but then again…. i had the gravy ones. so many bits of grit and generally made me want to be sick

  • Smokey McPot

    I’ve had these before, and they’re not all that bad. I’ve been eating nothing BUT supermarkets cheap options for a while though, so my pallet may have changed somewhat.

    Love the blog though!

  • jeg elske vakker norge

    I my view all tinned meatballs are plain vile, even more well known brands like Fray Bentos, the meat is like cheap dog food, and slury with gritty bits of bone with a sugary oil slick sauce, you would be better off eating cat food, no joke ive tryed it as a drunken dare, and it tastes like a really meaty pie filling!, and has a higher meat content too.

  • Stu

    They are amazing. I could eat them everyday. they should sell more stuff like this 😀