Value Sausage Sword Fight, Morrisons
Written by The Human Dustbin and posted in Fresh Meat & Fish

I consider myself to be a bit of a pork sausage aficionado (yes, stop sniggering at the back). The ones I choose to buy myself are a world away in terms a flavour and price from today’s pork based review.  The point of this multi-supermarket marathon is to find sausages that cost 50p or less for a pound (453g), that are actually palatable.  Before we start, there are some facts about sausages you should know.  By law, a ‘Pork Sausage’ must have at last 42% meat content, but a ‘Sausage’ only has to contain 32%.  That pork ‘meat’ can legally comprise of up to 30 per cent fat and 25 per cent connective tissue.  However, they can chuck in more, as long as they put it on the label.  After doing a little research, I’m not sure that connective tissue (CT) constitutes the legendary sausage ingredients of ‘lips, bollocks, earholes and arseholes’, but if anyone who works for Asda, Morrisons, Tesco or Sainsbury’s would care to enlighten me, that would be great.  So now you know a little about sausage legalities, I can say that only one sausage under review could legally be called a ‘Pork Sausage’.  All the sausages were shallow fried in sunflower oil, you wouldn’t want to bake them, believe me.

Asda Smartprice 12 Thick Sausages (6p each)

Value Sausage Sword Fight, AsdaFirst on the chopping block, was Asda’s Smartprice Sausages.  Not legal ‘Pork Sausages’ with just 40% pork.  The packaging proudly states that they are free from Artificial Colours and Artificial Flavours, but like all the sausages on review, rammed full of Sulphites.  These sausages also contain ‘Pork Rind’, I guess that would be more connective tissue then.  There is also a Raising Agent (Ammonium Carbonates) in these sausages.  What a sausage needs a raising agent for is was mystery, until they were cooked.  However, this is a bumper pack, so you do get 12 for just 72p, bargain.

Value Sausage Sword Fight, Asda, unwrappedAs you can see they look pretty unremarkable before cooking.  I gave one a sniff and there was no smell at all.  I pricked them before putting them in the pan, but I shouldn’t have bothered.  The beef protein casing so thin and fragile, that just turning them delicately with a fork ruptured them.  During cooking, they shrunk by approximately 30%, even with the raising agent, which is just dire to be honest.

Value Sausage Sword Fight, Asda, CookedSo what do they taste like?  Well, they taste of nothing much, to be honest.  Not what I think a sausage should taste like.  The slightest of vague pork and sage flavours are present, but there is no texture at all, just a meat mush.  The beef protein casing when cooked provides the most interest.  I ate these on an empty stomach and ten minutes after consuming my stomach started to turn.  Two minutes later, I threw them up.  The things I do for my loyal readers! I was dreading the trying the rest at this point.

Appearance: 3/10
Taste: 1/10
Value: 2/10
Overall: 6/30

Retailer:
Asda Stores Ltd
Manufacturer:
Asda Stores Ltd
Cost:
£0.72
CPP:

Tesco Value 8 Sausages (6.25p each)

Value Sausage Sword Fight, TescoFor some reason, these were the ones I was dreading the most and after the Asda ones, I had the sausage fear.  With just 40% pork, they are not legally ‘Pork Sausages’.  Looking through the ingredients, you have some extra ‘Pork Fat’, which I suppose is a bit better than more connective tissue.  All the other ingredients were present and correct, including sulphites and stabilisers.  For some reason the pack looked smaller than all the others and I’m convinced that my packet weighed 450g, not 454g like the ones on the Tesco website.  There again, the Tesco website calls them, ‘Pork Sausages’, naughty, naughty!

Value Sausage Sword Fight, Tesco, UnwrappedThey had the usual pallid complexion uncooked as you can see, but they did smell faintly like a real sausage, things were looking up.  The beef protein casings were just as fragile as the Asda ones.  After cooking, they had shrunk by approximately 15%, which is vast improvement on Asda’s offering.

Value Sausage Sword Fight, Tesco, cookedSo what do they taste like?  There is a vague taste of sausage, but that is overridden by salt.  The texture is slightly less mushy than the Asda offering, but is still not enjoyable at all.  They remind me of chip shop sausages, or the ones you get in a sausage sandwich in a particularly greasy, greasy spoon café.  Desperately I stuck one between in a slice of Hovis white bread, only to find the bread had the more interesting texture.

Appearance: 3/10
Taste: 2/10
Value: 2/10
Overall: 7/30

Retailer:
Tesco Stores Ltd
Manufacturer:
Tesco Stores Ltd
Cost:
£0.50
CPP:

Morrisons Value 8 Thick Sausages (6p each)

Value Sausage Sword Fight, MorrisonsAs cheap as the Asda Smartprice variety, I did not hold out high hopes for these.  Yet again, these sausages are not legally ‘Pork Sausages’.  Unfortunately, I threw out the packaging and as Morrisons do not have an online store, so I can’t tell you much about the ingredients apart from the fact that they contained sulphites and that amongst the spices, was Mace.

Value Sausage Sword Fight, Morrisons, unwrappedUncooked they looked pretty much like the others.  However, they did smell like what I think of as proper sausage and were slightly firmer than the previous two.  The casings were much firmer and after cooking they had shrunk by approximately 10%, the best so far.

Value Sausage Sword Fight, Morrisons, cookedSo what do they taste like?  Quite good is the answer to that one, considering how cheap they are. Well, they don’t taste like a premium sausage, but they are far better than the Tesco and Asda ones.  You can taste pork, sage and mace, which is quite amazing.   Although they are more solid than the previous two, they are still a bit mushy for my liking.

Appearance: 3/10
Taste: 6/10
Value: 5/10
Overall: 14/30

Retailer:
Wm Morrisons Supermarkets Plc
Manufacturer:
Wm Morrisons Supermarkets Plc
Cost:
£0.48
CPP:

Sainsbury’s Basics 8 Pork Sausages (6.25p each)

Value Sausage Sword Fight,, SainsburysThe only sausages under review that were legally ‘Pork Sausages’ as the label proudly states.  However, what does that tagline mean? It sounds a bit Engrish to me.  Anyway enough about the packet, what about the ingredients, you have your sulphites but no extra fat or connective tissue, bonus!

Value Sausage Sword Fight, Sainburys unwrappedUncooked they look more plump than all the others and were by far the firmest.  That 5% extra ‘meat’ must make all the difference.  They cooked like a real sausage and did not leave much extra fat in the pan.  After cooking they smelt quite appetising and had shrunk by approximately 10%.

Value Sausage Sword Fight, Sainburys, cookedSo what does a real value pork sausage taste like?  Not bad is the answer to that one and initially as good as the Morrisons ones.  The texture was by far the best, almost, I’ll say that again, almost having a proper sausage texture.  However, with each bite, the flavour became overwhelmed with sweetness, to the point where you could have been eating a pork and apple sausage.  If it hadn’t been for Sainsbury’s loading these with Dextrose, they would have been a really good sausage for the price.

Appearance: 3/10
Taste: 5/10
Value: 5/10
Overall: 13/30

Retailer:
J Sainsbury Plc
Manufacturer:
J Sainsbury Plc
Cost:
£0.50
CPP:

Conclusion

If you are scraping around at the end of the month for cash and you want sausages for dinner, the Morrisons ones are OK.  If you don’t mind the sweetness then the Sainsbury’s ones are OK too.  However, the Tesco and particularly the Asda ones are total crap.  Don’t even waste 50p on them.  I personally, would not eat another Asda one if you offered me money.  They are that disgusting and have put me off sausages for a while.  Thank you Asda.

  • Supermarkets – You feel terrible when you enter, and terrible after consumption…. Hopefully you don’t contract consumption as well!

  • Coco

    Yes I must admit the photos look rather pornagraphic,soon as I saw them it brought back bad memorys of when I worked in a penis mending factory as a young man in Poland.Ive never been able to eat or look another sausage again without hyperventerlating.

  • Coco

    Mind you Ive just looked more closly at the picture of the Tescos sausages and Im sure Ive seen the one in the middle in Morrisons,it looks just like him,why would a Tescos sausage defect and go to Morrisons I wonder,mind you its proberly becouse Tescos has a bad reputation for sausage abuse and nuts,they try itimidating small nuts by placing chrome nutcrackers next to them.Im a coconut so I no what Im talking about,Im only just getting used to the cold weather this country seems to have,Id rather be back in Trinadad.

  • Peter Stringfellow

    I realy enjoyed all theses sausage pictures,theres nothing like a naughty sausage,is it possible I could use a couple of Morrisons ones and maybe a Tesco value sausage and a Asda one dressed up in stockings,in a sort of sausage orgy,film it in my flat in St Martins lane,make a fortune,let me no ok.

  • The phychotic prankster

    Ive thinking of making a sausage porn video myself after seeing these porn pictures of all the differant sausages on display here,its the way they suggestivly sort of just lie there all naked and horny,saying come and get me big boy,realy makes you wont to rush out and buy some.I thought my video could go something like this,a packet of Sainsburys pork sausages enters the kitchen in its sexy see through cellophane wrapper and theres a Tescos sausage whos a plumber whos fixing a dripping tap see,and the sausage plumber looks up see,and the pack of sausages starts taking there see through wrapper off real slow and sexy like,the plumber sausage gets all horny,so horny he bursts his skin and dies………………….its a snuff movie see.

  • I want to post quick hello and want to say appriciate for this good article. b86qXMGaLpPHfg

  • Good work chaps!

    Can I add a link to this article on Rate My Sausage please?

    Cheers,

    Simon R

  • Chris Henniker

    THis is good journalism, exposing the vile food cynically marketed for vile people with no sense of aesthetics. I wouldn’t touch that unless the four minute warning was given.

  • I’m going to do it anyway. I am assuming your reticence is tacit approval.

  • Ben Afit-Spender

    Oh come on guys? I mean on my benefits and bit of cash in hand I wouldn’t be able to get out of my skull on cheap cider if I bought quality sausages. I often eat the tesco ones with loads of ketchup in cheap white bread and think they are great after a skinful of cider at 10 am on giro day.

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  • Cliff

    You should have tried the Co-op pork sausages. I quite like them and I would have been interested in your opinion.

  • jeg elske vakker gente

    Oh my god, I feel sorry for who ever ate thoughs rank hog anus filled tubes!, Ive tried the Tesco one’s once when clearing out my nans flat after she died, I was almost the banger’s second victim!, the texture was how i’d expect slurry would be like sliding down your gullet, It was better when it came back up and tasted better!.

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  • Yantis Deppley the Pale-ass Vegan

    This post has reminded me why I’m a vegan. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure quality meat tastes lovely. But not “value sausages”.

    If I ever catch myself thinking “You know what? I think I’ll give up being vegan”, I’m going to come back and read this article again. That’ll keep me straight for another 5 years.

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