Westlers Canned Hamburgers
Written by The Human Dustbin and posted in Food, Tins and Packets

Looking through the list of requests, this abomination stood out. The very thought of Burgers in gravy in a tin, made my guts turn. They had to be purchased and reviewed. The Westlers website proudly states that that their ‘ambient burgers’ have a 3 year shelf life, Mmmm. Mine are best before March 2013, so they should be at their peak of tasty goodness!

Westlers Canned Hamburgers, openingAs soon as I pierced the can with a can opener, a rank meat smell hit my nostrils, leading me to blurt out ‘f*cking jesus’, while my partner laughed in dining room, claiming that I may have a second nemesis on my hands. After getting the can fully open, the smell was so disgusting that if I were not such an intrepid food explorer, these would have gone in the bin.

Westlers Canned Burgers, preparationPushing on, I drained off the onion gravy from the can into a Microwave dish. Finally you can see something solid (apart from congealed fat). Don’t these look appetising? Looking at this lump of matter, I reminded myself that Westlers state on the can that these are a ‘mums choice’. Apart from being the sort of liberal that gets slightly annoyed by this casual sexism, if a mother was indeed feeding her family with this muck, I’d call social services.

Westlers Canned Hamburgers, microwavingThese burgers can be simmered on the hob, but I chose to Microwave them as per the manufacturers instructions. This is what they looked like. I was a little concerned by the colour difference in the two meat based discs, but chose the right hand, paler one. The picture does not really show up the small blobs of translucent fat floating on top of the gravy.

Westlers Canned Burgers, in a bunTaking my serving suggestion from the manufacturer for a snack, I put the paler ‘burger’ in a white roll and spooned over some of the lovely fatty onion gravy. I wasn’t drooling in anticipation but preparing to test my gag reflex. So what to they taste like? In one word… vile. The burger had the consistency of a sponge. It didn’t taste like anything meat based I’ve tasted before, it certainly do not taste like a burger. If you tasted one blindfolded, you would not say it was meat based at all, it’s that vague. This maybe down to the canning process, the onion gravy or the lashings of Monosodium Glutamate, but after two bites, I could not eat any more.

Westlers Canned Hamburgers, cat foodI do not like wasting food, so I cut up the remains and put them down for our cats. The can of Westlers burgers is roughly the same price of 3 pouches of cat food. Waste not, want not. None of them touched it. I think that speaks volumes.

Appearance: 1/10
Taste: 2/10
Value: 2/10
Overall: 5/30

Retailer:
Tesco Stores Ltd
Manufacturer:
Westlers Foods
Cost:
£0.88
CPP:
  • The Human Dustbin

    I have just been informed that Onion is poisonous to cats. I would like to make it clear that even though the burgers contain 4.5% Onion, our cats did not eat a single bite, before I’m labeled a cat murderer!

  • Zakk

    Oh eye fit for feast,just look at the way their both floating in a sea of greasy gravy,yummy,I can see why nobodys invented a see through tin.Its a case of I wish Id worked harder at school as soon as you open the tin,eye many a poor we lass or laddie has had no choice but to not chew and let it slide down the throat like a mouthfull of hot semen.What I tend to do is buy a Harrods bag,and put all my shopping from Lidls,or the stuff I find in the bins at the back of Sainsburys straight into it,if you do it quick enough you fool yourself you can afford real edible food.Plus you can walk through your neighboorhood giving smug looks to people who like you didnt work har enough at school like youself,and snogger at their cheap Lidls bags

    • Zakk

      or snigger

  • peter griffin

    Yummy yummy lots of poop to fill my tummy.

  • Anonamouse

    Lovely tin,nice smooth lines,streamlined,wind resistant,easly fits into the pocket of my shoplifting coat.Not bad for the trainee shoplifter to first start practicing on.Get it home,put it on the shelf with all the others,peel all the labels off the Princess Samon tins stolen earlyer,(same size tin)Glue them on,sell em to some one else……lovely

  • These were my first introduction to burgers ! They used to served up at funfairs in the 60s. Thankfully without the onion gravy but with some boiled onions that were reheated on the same griddle the burgers were cooked on.

  • anon

    remember that bear grylles where he ate raw bear shit, that looked way more appetising and probably kills you less

  • Thanks for consuming that on behalf of humanity. If the bomb ever drops, I’ll know to eat my own arms before any of those burgers. I suppose they might actually taste better with plutonium contamination though.

  • geoffrey blackburn

    i brought my 3 kids up on these and spent many a happy teatime force feeding them ,all my children left home as soon as they could which in the long riun saved me thousands i say they are good value long term

  • dave

    used to serve these at are local cafe come amusment arcade the tins stayed on the shelf for most of my young teenage years must have been the same ones,also outside most football grounds on every corner a bin with wheels on slopping with grease .seen two venders outside goodison park one afternoon arguing over a pitch the older one took his glasses of we thought here we go fight ,no cleaned his glasses with his dirty rag and told the other twat were to go.

  • Pingback: Iceland Meal for One Corned Beef Hash Review | Shite Food()

  • Pingback: Billy Bear Slicing Sausage Review | Shite Food()

  • Pingback: My Homepage()

  • Michelle

    Westlers hamburgers are the nicest burgers ever (apart from the onion gravy) but if you drain the onions out these burgers are really tasty with chips far better than the cheap crap frozen burgers which taste disgusting. Goblin used to do tasty tinned hamburgers too but they have stopped. Why would anybody not like fat in their food that is what makes it taste and Westlers have taken out the monosodium glutamate a long time ago.

    • Matt

      or you could, y’know, make a burger, takes approx 1 minute

  • louise

    well me n my hubby love these,go down a treat with chips n peas…and you never ever microwave them,turn out delish when done on the hob.nearly as good as frey bentos pies,yummy lol.

  • authoriseduser

    Look, there are poor people out there who are eating actual dog food (both dry and canned) – I’ve seen this on TV – so this is a step up for them.

  • Mark

    Delicious over heavily vinegared Chippy chips!!!

  • jeg elske vakker norge

    Why on earth can’t food producers create tinned meat products with texture?, and why with sauce, gravy or worst salty cold slime gelly, who taste tests these and say’s ‘good but needs more snot’ or enough sugar to hypo my toddler for five years?.

  • Lucy

    I used to love these when i was a kid. But then, i’m not a snob

    • Andy

      Ah yes, the classic “class divide.” On one side people who eat hamburgers which come in a can. On the other side people who like food.

  • Angryretailer

    My granny used to do these for me with home made chips and baked beans and I loved em.

  • Dave Bloke

    I’m with Louise (February 17, 2012 at 1:36 pm) – although I haven’t had these in a while, they’re definitely a guilty pleasure. And the gravy is rather nice.

    Serve with chips and with the grave drowning said chips. And white buns. Brown bread can go and get lost, it has no place here.

  • jeg elske vakker norge

    I really want to see The Human Dustbin on Come dine with me, may try out food on this site to win £1000, It would be so funny seeing him nuking away.

  • I’ve had a tin of these in my van for a couple of years as emergency food in case we are over run by zombies and we have to run to the hills or we go to a festival or something…

  • Peter Williams

    I think Westlers canned hamburgers are very tasty and great value. I’m so pleased that so many of you twats don’t like them… All the more for me then.

    • macmacbef

      could not agree with you more PW, I crave these westler goodies and the snobs who think a good meal tastes like dated servings of mixed veg and rubber textured pasta should just leave the tasty munchies to the majority and all the fusspots should go live in some stinking hovel next to a baron field and dig up what they class as edible….

  • Stevo

    Eating these right now… So good for a hangover cure. Bloody snobs the lot of ya. I am a chef and cook 5* grub all day but i tell ya what these are fantastic with chips + peas and Tommie K! Get in!

  • Joan Hammond

    If these are bad, then Sainsbury’s ready meals come a lose second! Bland, tough and not fit for human/animal consumption.

  • Karen Nichols

    My grandfather used to buy these for me and I liked them – THEN – but I’ve eaten decent food since and wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole 😄