Tesco Weirdoughs
Written by The Human Dustbin and posted in Bakery

Led Zeppelin once sung that it had been a long time since they’d rocked and rolled. Well, it has been almost three years since I’ve eaten some crap for your reading pleasure. However, as the Christmas season is now upon us and Peter Andre is flogging Iceland’s ‘festive fish’ range, I thought it was time to relaunch this site. First up in this years festive food feast, are Tesco’s Weirdoughs. As you can see, these are the Turkey and Stuffing variety especially for the yuletide season. I’ve seen these savoury mini doughnuts on a shelf a few times, but when these were reduced to just 25p I could not resist.

Weirdoughs and dogs anusOpening the packet, I decided to give them a quick smell. The whiff wasn’t particularly unpleasant and reminded me of chicken flavour crisps. After putting four of these crusty little sphincters on a plate, I noted how they bear an uncanny resemblance to a dog’s anus. As these were purchased within 2 hours of going out of date, they were not that moist but a little crusty towards the inner orifice, but hey, I was propping up Tesco’s bottom line, now they seem to be going down the corporate shit pan.

Crusty sphincterSo what do they taste like? The whole point of weirdoughs is to confuse your senses and they do just that. The mini doughnuts are still very sweet and the generous helping of savoury chicken like ‘seasoning’ makes them nearly inedible. You eat one and your tastebuds are confused, the second and the full majesty of the disgusting concoction assaults your palate. Have a third and the horrible synthetic aftertaste combined with the sugar kicks in. I searched the packet for a list of ingredients but as a bakery item, there wasn’t any, so there is no way to find out what I was really eating. I offered one to my partner and she asked me if ‘I was f**king joking?’ and to put the rest in the bin. I wonder how many of these novelty doughnuts end up as food waste?

  • Mark Penrice

    Given my experience with the salt and vinegar ones, I’d say at least 80% get binned! Awful idea.

  • Jai Baconboy Seymour

    Savoury doughnuts are nothing new, but this just sounds awful.

    Great to see the site back.

  • Garth Wader

    I personally felt they reminded me more of some ghastly collaboration between my local Kebab shop and Winalot. Either way, glad to see you’re back about….

  • Johny

    do some more christmas articles next, it’s the season after all.

  • That’s just what I need to see on a Saturday morning!

  • jack coveney

    Wow, makes me sorry we can’t find these in the US. Almost shit myself laughing when I read your droll (illustrated) description though, so almost as good as eating them I suppose. Glad I stumbled upon a link to your blog – hilariously disgusting.